tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47895692869435680692024-03-14T07:09:22.203+00:0050 is the New BlackEliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.comBlogger215125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-44511599823046971932019-04-27T19:59:00.001+01:002019-04-27T22:14:59.443+01:00Back from the grave<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Well, not exactly the grave. More like from Co-Habiting with a Teenager for six long years. Which has practically killed me, not least because I've had to zip my mouth and stop mentioning her or even acknowledging her in public. I've had to give up non-consensual hugs. Abandon my normal good manners of greeting the person in my house with a good morning (not that I ever glimpsed Lily in the morning). I am a shadow of my normal gregarious, light-hearted self.<br />
<br />
Now Lily's left home, I'm giving up not writing about her. She's a fully fledged adult and can (and indeed does) fend for herself. Now that she's got septum and tongue piercings, bleached and rainbow-dyed hair and practically a full body tattoo, I've finally had to Let Go.<br />
<br />
Perhaps, I muse, if I'd Let Go earlier, for example by not drawing a cartoon scroll of James I's life in order to get her through her history GCSE, I wouldn't have pushed her to the extremes of rebellion, and she'd be the most adorable, devoted daughter hanging on my every word.<br />
<br />
But it's all too late now. One has to lie in the bed one has made, and here lies Eliza Gray, half-dead. And there, 200 miles away, lies Lily Gray under her duvet at 2.30pm after another hard week at her degree in modern musicianship (I know!), aka clubbing, downing tequila shots at Spoons, smoking and no doubt countless other unsavoury activities I'd rather not know about.<br />
<br />
'Well darling,' says Cousin Claude, 'look on the bright side, she's going to make a fabulous rock star.'<br />
<br />
'Except most rock stars who were into sex 'n' drugs 'n rock 'n' roll were dead by the age of 30,' I point out. 'Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Amy Winehouse, Jim Henderson.'<br />
<br />
'Might you mean Jim Morrison, darling?' enquires Claude.<br />
<br />
'Possibly,' I say, my eyes narrowing. 'Who's Jim Henderson then?'<br />
<br />
'The Muppet man.'<br />
<br />
Hmmm. Or possibly Claude's Alzheimer's is playing up too. Oh well. The thing is, everyone says, hang on in there, your darling daughter will come back, but she's going to come back with a full body tattoo and multiple piercings. That's the thing.<br />
<br />
The phone lights up. It's Cass.<br />
<br />
'Has Tilly got any tattoos?' I enquire.<br />
<br />
'Oh! Don't talk to me about that. A small rose on her left shoulder blade and a star on her ankle.'<br />
<br />
'That's nothing. At least she can wear a T shirt and socks and hide them. Lily's going for a full sleeve.'<br />
<br />
Ugh! shudders Cass. 'I said to Tills, you can dye your hair bright blue if you want, because at least you can shave it off and start again. But you've got to live with that tattoo until your dying day. You can't just take it in like a pair of bellbottoms when it goes out of fashion.'<br />
<br />
'Exactly!' Cass and I are so birds of a feather. 'They'll be marked women. Literally. Except, I suppose, because all their generation have got tattoos, they'll all be grannies together in their bath chairs saying, oh yes, that heart was from my first boyfriend, and this dragon was when we split up, and they'll all be admiring each other's artistry and it'll be, "aah I remember the day when..." and it'll keep their minds razor-sharp.'<br />
<br />
A lightbulb sparks in the recesses of my own dull mind. Yes!! This will be my new enterprise. Eliza Gray's Anti-Alzheimer's Tattoo Parlour. It'll be better than a diary or a photo album. A pictorial record of your life imprinted on your very being! You'd have one for every year of your life. A bit like the Christmas newsletter, starting on your ankles and working your way up.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-60887335751015594182015-01-09T15:37:00.000+00:002015-01-09T15:37:29.779+00:00Camberwhat?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh dear. The Alzheimer's is marching on with a vengeance.<br />
<br />
As I return from my 'morning' dog walk at 2.45pm, I spy my next-door neighbour, bearing a red woggle (please just google woggle), trying to coax her two little children out of the door.<br />
<br />
'It takes half-an-hour to go anywhere,' she says with a tight smile. 'We're just off swimming at Camberwell.'<br />
<br />
'Really!' I exclaim. 'Camberwell! That's a long way to go for a swim.'<br />
<br />
She looks slightly perplexed, but explains that it's a nice old-fashioned Victorian swimming baths and has just been renovated and is really much nicer than Brixton.<br />
<br />
But still! 'Camberwell!' I can't help exclaiming again.<br />
<br />
'Well, we used to live there,' she explains, scooping up the smallest child with her woggle-free arm. 'It doesn't take that long to get there.'<br />
<br />
I nearly ask if they're tying the swimming in with a weekend away, but then something starts flickering at the edge of my consciousness. Camberwell. Camberwell... No that's not right. Camber... Camber... What's the name of that Army place in Surrey? Camberley! That's it. Camberwell is next to Brixton and Herne Hill, where we reside, and takes about 10 minutes to get to. Rather than the one and half hours I was envisaging to get to Camberley.<br />
<br />
Oh dear.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-7298167120906045472014-06-28T13:43:00.001+01:002014-06-28T13:43:08.711+01:00Dream a little dream...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know, it's been too long. The thing is, you can't go telling all about your teenager. The only thing teenagers like is to be ignored and left to their own devices and indeed vices. However, Lily's dreamworld is more thrilling than anything life can offer.<br />
<br />
When I go to wake her up this morning, a little grin spreads over her face. 'I haven't had a dream like that in ages,' she says. 'It was Black Holey and somehow Miley Cyrus got into my dream. We got into this car, actually it was a flying car from Harry Potter except it was a lot easier to drive... No! It was a helicopter and for some reason it was flying upside down, so I jumped on the bottom and opened the hatch and climbed in, followed by Miley Cyrus - she's like my worst singer in the world - and it was like the Tardis. So I took over the controls. You know like when you try to steer and it goes all bouncy, well I managed to smooth the ride. We were over the sea and Everest was there, surrounded by wooded mountains, and I was like, "I want to go and see Everest," and one of my friends said, "You're doing this to annoy me," because she wanted to go home.<br />
<br />
'I started telling my friends all these like facts like air density and all that stuff about how clouds form and are made into snowstorms - basically geographical facts. So we got to Everest and somehow the Theatre of Cruelty came into my dream. We'd landed on this ancient temple place and you came into my dream.'<br />
<br />
'Yaayyy!' I cry.<br />
<br />
'You've only been in two of my dreams ever, like ever! I still remember the other one actually. I'll tell you that later.'<br />
<br />
'OK, go on.'<br />
<br />
'For some reason the temple was at the base camp of Everest and we could go up a river that goes up the side of Everest, but for some reason we wanted to go inside the temple. So we got in some boats and rowed over to the temple. You know how in galleries they have those guides who tell you about the paintings? You became one of them.'<br />
<br />
'Yaayyy!'<br />
<br />
'There were murals in the temple and the whole place was lit by candles and you were telling us about them, and one was a baby getting all its limbs ripped off which was really gross, and it became a bit like Venice, and between each gallery you had to go by boat, and we saw people being burnt and people being really tortured - basically all the medieval tortures. It was horrible.<br />
<br />
We got back into the helicopter and for some reason we all flew to Vesuvius...<br />
<br />
'Hang on. Was that it? I am out of the dream again now?'<br />
<br />
'Yup. This is the part where the Black Hole comes in by the way. For some reason we'd all grown to like giants, so we were bigger than everybody down at Vesuvius, and when we got there it was rotating like a Black Hole. It was really cool.'<br />
<br />
She starts giggling. 'The outside was made of chocolate and the inside was treacle and honey and golden syrup. Seriously. We climbed to the top and started eating it. Considering we were giants, we pulled bits off the size of my bed. And then... Miley Cyrus came back! Why the hell was she in my dream? By the way it was the young Miley, not this retarded Miley we see now.<br />
<br />
'Also people from Twilight started to come in as well. Basically we were all lying on clouds eating the volcano slash Black Hole, Miley comes along and asks what we're doing, and I'm like, "you should totally try some, it's so yummy.'<br />
<br />
Lily pauses to savour the memory. 'Mmmm, it was soooo good....<br />
<br />
'Then I became Miley Cyrus. Then we all felt a massive shaking, because Miley - me's Dad was coming and he's like the biggest person out of everybody in the world. And I was yelling at everyone, "Hold on, Dad's coming!" and he was literally ripping the Black Hole to shreds and eating it and then he started squeezing and squishing the clouds and I said, "Anybody who doesn't want to be squished by my Dad's hands, let go!"<br />
<br />
'So we literally all let go and, I don't know how this happened, we all had bungee cords attached to us and we were bungee jumping...'<br />
<br />
'What fun!' I exclaim.<br />
<br />
'It was awesome. When we reached the ground we were in America.'<br />
<br />
'God, darling, you've been all over the place!'<br />
<br />
'I <i>know</i>!'<br />
<br />
'Miley had gone very very pale...'<br />
<br />
'You're not Miley any more?'<br />
<br />
'Nope. It turns out she'd become a vampire.'<br />
<br />
'Darling, are you making this up as you go along?'<br />
<br />
'Nope. This actually happened. She said, "what's happened?" and we're like, "you've turned into a vampire, mate. Tough luck." We came to a seriously weird train station. You know gypsy caravans? The carriages were like that and to get there, this person pulls up in this shabby horse and cart, and for some reason I knew the driver and he was called Stanley, and he got us all to the train station, and then all my friends left. And then I woke up!'<br />
<br />
'Gosh,' I say. I feel like I've been on a major excursion. 'Oooh! Tell me about the other dream I was in.'<br />
<br />
'That was like ages ago when I was seven, but that was like really boring.'<br />
<br />
'So basically I just feature in a really boring dream and then as a tour guide.'<br />
<br />
'Yup. In the boring dream we were in the Caribbean or Thailand or somewhere.'<br />
<br />
'Hang on, that's quite nice!'<br />
<br />
'We were racing down the beach and there was a wooded path through the trees and I was on that and you were on the beach and we were racing back to our bungalow thingamajiggy, and I said. "let's actually race," so then you were like, "OK," and we started running at the same speed and then I jumped and started flying. It was a really lame dream.'<br />
<br />
'You realise your really lame dream would be anybody else's really exciting dream?'<br />
<br />
'What, like flying? It's really dull.'<br />
<br />
I raise my eyebrows as if to say, <i>honestly</i>!<br />
<br />
'What? It's really dull. I started flying and got there first and that's basically it.'<br />
<br />
'So, feelings of supremacy over your mother at an early age.'<br />
<br />
'Totes.'<br />
<br />
'So basically I'm the loser in a race and a tour guide.'<br />
<br />
'U-huh.'<br />
<br />
'And that's it.'<br />
<br />
'U-huh.'<br />
<br />
'Have you really not had any other dreams about me?'<br />
<br />
'Nope.' She turns over decisively and pulls the duvet over her ears.</div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-12150753185109562062013-12-31T21:45:00.000+00:002014-01-01T11:26:29.346+00:00Last post of 2013Lily and I, thwarted by our late-afternoon shopping expedition to the King's Road where we discovered everywhere shut at 5pm, are sitting at the dining room table, wiping up the remains of our takeaway hummus and babaganoush with ragged strips of flatbread.<br />
<br />
When the plastic container is spotless, we look at each other blankly.<br />
<br />
'What shall we do now?' asks Lily.<br />
<br />
'I don't know.'<br />
<br />
Lily perks up. 'We could have a biscuit!' She eyes the unopened Christmas tin.<br />
<br />
'Not a very good start to our new regime, is it?' I look at her mock-disapprovingly over my glasses.<br />
<br />
She grins. 'Only a suggestion...!'<br />
<br />
'So, we could do something useful...' I run the idea of clearing out the loft past my mind's eye. What a marvellous way to usher in the New Year. But it turns out to be a passing whim. I just don't have the energy. 'Or we could do nothing.'<br />
<br />
'We could watch something on iPlayer ... whilst eating biscuits!' Lily throws back her head with laughter.<br />
<br />
'What did we do last New Year?' I ask. But neither of us can remember.<br />
<br />
'I suppose we could unpack,' I venture. But Lily is by now lost in the mists of Facebook. Ah well. I clear the table, wash up the plastic takeaway containers (waste not, want not) and set about emptying the dishwasher. I feel, more than ever before on a New Year's Eve, like going to bed.<br />
<br />
Something has always turned up in the past. Though I can't for the life of me remember what. I go over to the bookshelves and pull out a handful of diaries.<br />
<br />
'Oh, this is what we did last year!' I exclaim. 'We went over to Esme Eddington's... oh yes! And you set fire to your hair when you leant over the candle.'<br />
<br />
'And I missed the countdown!' says Lily.<br />
<br />
'What were you up to?'<br />
<br />
'Getting a glass of Coke from the kitchen.'<br />
<br />
'What's this for 2011?' I read from January 1st: '"Blurred vision, droopy eyelids, difficulty breathing, constipation..." What's that all about? "Flaccid paralysis...?" Oh I know, it was when Dan was waiting for his botulism to develop after eating his wind-dried ham.' We laugh. 'Oh look - we had Rose and Richard staying and we all went to Cass and Piers's party - that was a brilliant year.'<br />
<br />
I flick through the next diary. 'Oh - we went to the Blakes' in the village. I'd forgotten about that. And 2009... that was the year we stayed with Sophia and Vincent and do you remember, we wrote out our goals for the year. None of which we have achieved.'<br />
<br />
I push myself up from my chair and unzip the suitcase. I delve around for any dirty clothes and toss them in a pile, which I then dump in the utility room, where Dolly is curled up in her basket. Feel like curling up with her. Maybe I should just give up and go to bed.<br />
<br />
8.30pm though.<br />
<br />
Text Rose. 'What are you doing tonight?'<br />
<br />
'Not doing nuffink.'<br />
<br />
'Just read diaries to jog memory of previous New Years and 2 yrs ago we went to Cass's party. Come over and we cd recreate those heady reckless carefree days....? Time for an hour's kip first...'<br />
<br />
'Nice idea but Richard wants to stay put and really don't want to risk drink driving.'<br />
<br />
Honestly. What has become of us? London, social hub of the universe, and we're all staying home alone. I had more fun in the depths of Mistlebourne.<br />
<br />
9:30. Ah. The phone.<br />
<br />
'Hi Eliza. Just checking you're coming tonight.' It's Sam from No 48.<br />
<br />
'Oh! Er... yes!' I'm frantically riffling through the mental filing cabinet.<br />
<br />
'We're kicking off at 10. Vodka and fireworks. Bring Lily. We've set up a cinema upstairs for the kids.'<br />
<br />
Yes! I knew it. Something always turns up! Happy New Year!Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-62748261706993738122013-11-14T23:28:00.002+00:002013-11-14T23:34:23.417+00:00Here lies Eliza GrayToday's work displacement activity is an unexpected telephone conversation with an old friend of my mother's who turns 80 next year. We are swept back in time, reminiscing about my childhood and my dear departed mama.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'How did you put it in your eulogy?' muses Aggie. 'She was a rock for us all...'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'She was, wasn't, she?' I say. 'She was always doing things for other people. She was the centre of operations for the whole family.' </div>
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<br /></div>
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'I think she was one of those people who's born, not made,' says Aggie. 'She was an exceptional woman.'</div>
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<div>
<br /></div>
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'I cannot believe I'm my mother's daughter,' I say ruefully, looking around the room at the untended paperwork, the stack of baking pans that I can't quite get round to washing up. 'She'd have been preparing for Christmas by now. She'd have been making coconut ice and peppermint creams for the Christmas sale and we'd have been stirring the Christmas pudding in that huge pot and making a wish...'</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
'Oh yes,' says Aggie, 'she made Christmas puddings for all the family, didn't she?'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'Yes, and she'd make food parcels for all sorts of old people and we'd go round delivering them. Like Miss Mitty who lived up that steep hill in an old railway carriage... I was scared of her.'</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
'Oh yes, well she did look like an old witch,' agrees Aggie. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I find myself recalling various episodes and vivid little vignettes that had until now been lost in the mists of time. When I put the phone down after an hour and ten minutes, I feel transported, buoyed. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Dolly suddenly leaps to her feet and patters to the door, where she stands quivering in anticipation, tail wagging. Seconds later, Lily's key turns in the door. 'Hi Mum! What did you get up to today?' </div>
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<br /></div>
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I tell her about Aggie and our reminiscences about my mother. 'I wonder what you'll remember about me when I'm dead and gone,' I add.</div>
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<br /></div>
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'Probably most likely the spaghetti.'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'<i>What</i>?' </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'When you used to open both ends of the packet by accident and the spaghetti fell out all over the floor. It was hilarious.'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well there we are. My mother's epitaph:</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>Ann Gray: a rock for all, an exceptional woman</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And her daughter?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>Eliza Gray: opened both ends of the spaghetti packet</i></div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-9617794168464545452013-11-12T18:47:00.000+00:002013-11-13T08:46:10.191+00:00Modern family<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lily and I continue to lead separate lives. On school days, she sets her alarm for 6.30am, way before my getting-up time, puts on her eyeliner, picks at a bowl of neat Special K Red Berries and heads out into the rain, defiantly anorakless, while I am still stumbling around in my dressing gown.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">On Saturday, while I go to an event in Bloomsbury, she elects to get up leisurely, walk the dog and then catch the bus to Brixton to see <i>Gravity</i> with a friend. I am nervous about letting her loose, but apparently it's normal for 13-year-olds to be negotiating London transport alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">At 4.30pm I am relieved to get a text. 'Back'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I call her. 'Everything all right, darling?'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">‘Oh my God, Gravity was <i>epic</i>! But it’s totally put me off being an astronaut.'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I burst out laughing. ‘You’ve never wanted to be an astronaut! An <i>astronomer</i>…’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I return to my event, where I was chatting to an old acquaintance. ‘Love the wellies-with-little-frock
look!’ I confide jovially, nodding towards her friend who has gone to get more wine, wearing a clingy green dress and blue sailing wellies. My comrade looks at me blankly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">‘Oh.’ I strain my eyes to study
the diminishing figure. ‘They’re not wellies, are they?’ No, they are
flat suede boots with crepe soles. ‘I thought they were those navy sailing
wellies with white soles,’ I explain. ‘It’s because I haven’t got my sunglasses on.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh God. What is wrong with me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I get home - it's a miracle I can remember where I live - to find Lily glued to my laptop. 'So,' I sit down and take off my shoes, 'tell me about the film.' </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">‘It's about this
female astronaut doctor person,' she says, her face glowing a ghostly blue, 'who went up to space to fix The Arm and she was
stuck on it and it got hit by an asteroid and this meteor shower thing... I don't think they actually filmed it in space - that would have
been too dangerous.’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I stifle a snigger.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Aaah, and it was so scary. George Clooney, I forget who his actor was...'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'George Clooney<i> is</i> the actor...'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'I mean his character. Basically, when the whole thing got blasted by all the meteors and things, George Clooney and the female astronaut person Ryan got split, and you know how like space is so big, and you cannot find each other in the dark, well they did, which is really stupid because it's basically impossible. But this is the really really really scary part, well it wasn't scary but it was really creepy, they got back to the debris of the station and they see all these things floating round, and this astronaut guy knocks into her helmet and he has this hole in his head that has been blasted right through and the shot lasts on that for like 10 seconds and I'm like can you <i>please</i> get away from that already?'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Gosh.' I get up to put the kettle on. 'So, what are you watching now?' </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She grins. 'People post like these coming out videos on YouTube and I clicked on one and thought it was going to be just like this dude coming out of the house...'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We both laugh. I look over her shoulder. A boy with a gelled quiff is looking back at us. 'I'm finally ready to share with you guys, because YouTube and Tumblr and the internet are such a big part of my life and I just feel like I can't keep something that's such a big part of me from you guys...' </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Seriously?' Lily pauses the video. 'That <i>is</i> quite gay. Not as in <i>gay</i> gay. Cos at school we use gay to mean stupid.' She taps 'chilli challenge' into the search box. 'Oh it was <i>so</i> funny at school yesterday, about five people had to go out of class because they did the Chilli Challenge at lunch. First of all Mrs Lott is like, I have no sympathy for you, but then she made them go and wash their hands. You have to eat as much raw powder as you can. We also have the Coffee Challenge and the Cinnamon Challenge.'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'What do they get for it?'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Nothing - it's just a really retarded challenge.'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It really is a brave new world out there. </span></div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-20954441500164145462013-09-24T14:43:00.001+01:002013-09-30T14:35:32.206+01:00ivegotanincrediblyexpensivecar.com'I'd like to hear your take on my mad neighbour,' announces Dan from his hands-free in the car.<br />
<br />
'Mm?' I slacken my pace. Dan doesn't like wind interference or heavy breathing.<br />
<br />
'She's taken to giving farm tours, towing visitors round behind the tractor. She's put a sofa in the wagon and they sit there, drinking wine and admiring her Portland rams.'<br />
<br />
'Sounds rather fun.' I flop down on a park bench overlooking the Serpentine. Pigeons are flapping around a toddler, intercepting the chunks of bread he's throwing to the unlucky ducks.<br />
<br />
'So then this Bentley appeared in her drive, and it was still there the next morning. The next day there was an Aston Martin - still there the next morning - then the next day, a Ferrari. There's been a constant stream of them. All there the following morning. So then she comes up to me today and says, "I'm going away on holiday, if you see a man in a white Range Rover hanging around, he's one of my Gentleman Callers and you can tell him he's not welcome here any more, because he's not."' Dan lets out an exuberant belly laugh. 'So what do you think, Lize? What can it all mean? Is she a prostitute?' He says it with an endearing touch of naivety, suggesting one who expects to be laughingly given a logical alternative explanation.<br />
<br />
'Of course she is!' I snap my fingers and glare at Dolly, who is sniffing around the toddler's buggy, hoovering up stray breadcrumbs.<br />
<br />
'<i>Really?</i> "Gentleman Callers!" What else can it mean?'<br />
<br />
'Nothing. She's <i>definitely</i> a prozzie. Although she probably doesn't refer to herself as such. She probably calls herself a high-class ... farm hand.'<br />
<br />
'Farm hand!' guffaws Dan.<br />
<br />
'But what I'd like to know is how come they've all got such posh cars. I've never met anyone like that around Candlebury.'<br />
<br />
'I presume she's signed up to ivegotanincrediblyexpensivecar.com. I did go on match.com to see if I could find her, but it's full of fairly average people, isn't it?'<br />
<br />
'Yees,' I agree absent-mindedly. My mind has sped into fifth gear. Ivegotanincrediblyexpensivecar.com! Maybe this is the answer to my dire straits.<br />
<br />
'I did somehow end up on Rate My Prostitute once,' Dan continues conversationally, 'and I was interested to note that what makes a good prostitute is off-street parking and a nice cup of tea.'<br />
<br />
'Well that's the answer to why she's so popular! She probably pulls them in with a picture of her drive. "Come and indulge in a lavish forecourt..."'<br />
<br />
'"...and a nice cup of Earl Grey!"'<br />
<br />
Bang go my chances of being a high-class call-girl, though. No forecourt. It's impossible to park round here after 6.30pm.<br />
<br />
Hmmm. Will just check out ivegotanincrediblyexpensivecar.com. Oops. Google Chrome couldn't find it. Well, that was too much to hope for. Google 'dating site for rich people with posh cars.' Here we are! www.millionairematch.com. With a big red button saying, FIND A MILLIONAIRE NOW! Click.<br />
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-76605474433066606582013-09-19T15:27:00.000+01:002013-09-30T15:28:32.887+01:00New school blues Lily has moved seamlessly from her St Trinian's country prep school for 100 horse-fancying, rara-skirted girls with names like Cecilia and Tatiana, to a London comprehensive for 1,400 black-suited Jaydens and Kayas.<br />
<br />
I, conversely, have been on the back foot since the beginning of term, owing to a) the unfeasibly early mornings after a blissful year of lie-ins, and b) leaving it to the last minute to get her school uniform. The nice jackets had run out at M&S Marble Arch when we got there at 3pm the day before school commenced, forcing us to go to the dreaded official outfitter, whose official jacket combines the stiffness of cardboard with the type of manmade fibre that sparks fly off if you get too close.<br />
<br />
The chummy assistant handed Lily an official ready-tied tie that fastens round the back with Velcro.<br />
<br />
'Oh God,' I muttered. 'Don't they have real ties these days?'<br />
<br />
'Don't want any peanutting,' cackled the assistant.<br />
<br />
'What?'<br />
<br />
'Few incidents,' she nodded knowingly at me, miming a tie-tightening throttle. 'Not many, mind, but two or three, back in the old days.' She pulled open a drawer. 'Not as bad as these,' she added, holding up a clip-on tie for another school where even quick-release Velcro is clearly not enough.<br />
<br />
Oh lord. This isn't Candlebury.<br />
<br />
Since then, Lily has taken up her newfound independence with a hitherto unknown burst of self-motivation, which involves setting her alarm for 6.30am, stomping downstairs at 7.10am (at which point I rouse myself and stumble down in my dressing gown to act like the dutiful mother), standing up to eat a quick bowl of Special K Red Berries while stuffing books into her backpack, before heading out across the park to team up with pals in order to walk back across the park to catch the bus to school.<br />
<br />
'The thing is, Lily,' I venture on day 2, 'it's not very ergonomical, this little journey of yours.'<br />
<br />
'Y'waaa?'<br />
<br />
'The way you go to school. You're walking two sides of a triangle across the park and back. If you walked straight to the bus stop you could shave 20 minutes off your journey and spend another 20 minutes in bed.'<br />
<br />
She gives me one of her steely withering looks, picks up her door key and heads out without so much as a 'bye, Mum'.<br />
<br />
On day 3, Lily glares up at me as I appear on the stairs. 'You don't have to get up <i>every</i> morning,' she says. I shudder. My mother was already down, table laid, bacon and tomatoes sizzling in the pan, when I was Lily's age.<br />
<br />
On day 5, as I attempt to hug her unyielding little body goodbye, Lily says, 'Do we have to go through this every morning?'<br />
<br />
Oh God. I am officially redundant.Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-87568532493737356242013-07-23T14:24:00.001+01:002013-11-13T09:13:43.538+00:00A bravura barneyDolly and her little friend Secco are scrapping at my feet, Heart FM is blaring some ghastly song and Lily is watching a trailer for some wham-bam action-packed movie on the iPad. Not my idea of a harmonious summer holiday. <br />
<br />
'What are you watching?' I demand.<br />
<br />
'Pacific Rim.'<br />
<br />
'It sounds ghastly. What's it about?'<br />
<br />
'It's the near future. And from below the Pacific Ocean, giant monsters known as Kajoo rise to conquer the world. Our only defence is the Jay-gers, huge robots controlled by two human pilots whose minds are locked in unison. Ultimately however it's a losing battle and in desperation the authorities turn to an untried novice, Mako Mori, and a washed-up pilot, Ra-lie Becket...'<br />
<br />
'Typical Hollywood!' <br />
<br />
'... who are tasked to drive an apparently... ob...sol...ee...'<br />
<br />
'Obsolete. It means something that's out of date, defunct, has-been, useless, like every piece of technology you buy, the minute you get it out of the shop...'<br />
<br />
'...experimental Jay-ger. With the apocalypse imminent...'<br />
<br />
'Quelle surprise. Typical Hollywood.'<br />
<br />
'... this unlikely pair make a bra....v.....V-U-R-A...'<br />
<br />
'Bravura - accomplished, brilliant...'<br />
<br />
'... last stand.'<br />
<br />
'You see? Typical Hollywood film - imminent disaster, pair two unlikely heroes together, they're going to be totally incompetent, fall out, the whole thing is almost going to go wrong, and then miraculously they're going to pull it out of the bag and save the world. Totally predictable.'<br />
<br />
'Well I find it totally predictable when you watch Pride and Prejudice,' Lily says coolly, switching trailers.<br />
<br />
'There's nothing predictable about Pride and Prejudice!' I retort. 'You're just saying that to be annoying.' I catch her eye and she laughs.<br />
<br />
But actually, I reflect, she's right. The dark difficult bloke always has a heart of gold and the dismissive heroine always ends up with him. Unlike real life. Typical Jane Austen.Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-57310029752199020432013-07-19T23:34:00.002+01:002013-07-19T23:37:54.764+01:00My child prodigy!12:25 <br />
<br />
Lily and I are in a state of high tension and suppressed expostulation. At least I am. She is doing a music scholarship today, under huge duress, for the local comprehensive school (which has a music speciality and, as I keep telling her, is sending its musicians on a trip to Brazil next year).<br />
<br />
In teenhood, I discover, bribes and threats cease to work. We are a step short of mutiny. I try to remain calm in the face of her refusal to<br />
b-r-e-a-t-h-e and warm up her voice before launching into her song. I don't rise when she plays her piano piece at double-quick time and stumbles over the tricky sections. But when she plays the sax, I can't help entreating her to stand with both feet on the ground instead of looking like she's leaning against a bus shelter. She glares and refuses to budge.<br />
<br />
'Li-ly!' I take on the voice of a robot. 'Stand-up-straight-and-breathe-prop-er-ly!'<br />
<br />
'What-ev-ah.' She holds her glare. We burst out laughing. 'Are you still doing your blog?' she asks.<br />
<br />
'Just what I was thinking!' I say. We have turned into parodies of ourselves.<br />
<br />
13:40<br />
<br />
Lily's almost out of practice time. This is disastrous. I gather up her music and the iPad, hoping she'll get a chance to play something she recorded earlier in more harmonious mood, and we get into the car-sauna, whose front windows have seized up.<br />
<br />
(As I read through my blog prior to publishing, Lily is standing over my shoulder. 'Can you put in brackets, "Lily thinks we should get an Audi A3, preferably in Phantom Black." I am her obedient servant. This will soon be Lily's and not Eliza's blog. 'Dash, not comma,' she instructs. Sorry. An Audi A3 - preferably in Phantom Black. 'That's a hyphen,' she points out. 'It won't do dashes,' I reply. 'Oh, damn,' she says.)<br />
<br />
14:05<br />
<br />
Purgatory. I am in a soundproofed room full of steel pans. Hate not being able to eavesdrop.<br />
<br />
14:15<br />
<br />
Hmmm. Suppose I'd better not play the steel pans just in case the room's not as soundproofed as it seems.<br />
<br />
14:38<br />
<br />
The door opens. Caught in the act! The head of music smiles knowingly. 'I loved her saxophone playing and she has a lovely voice, good breath control and a great range. I'm able to offer her free singing and saxophone lessons.'<br />
<br />
I hardly dare ask the question. 'Does that mean she's got... a scholarship.'<br />
<br />
The head smiles and nods.<br />
<br />
'Can I ask... Is it a half- or a full scholarship?'<br />
<br />
'Full. She wouldn't get the free individual lessons without it.'<br />
<br />
Yess! My child is a prodigy! Lily and I head out arm in arm.<br />
<br />
'Well that was easy,' she says.<br />
<br />
'Shhhhhhh!'<br />
<br />
15:05<br />
<br />
Lily goes up to her room. I open Facebook to post a status about her success, but I can't find her in my Friends. Curious. I call up to her room.<br />
<br />
'Darling? What's going on? I'm trying to tag you in my status and it can't find you... have you Unfriended me?'<br />
<br />
'No.'<br />
<br />
'You must have - you're not in my Friends.'<br />
<br />
'I didn't!'<br />
<br />
'Well how else can you have disappeared?'<br />
<br />
She comes stomping downstairs. 'Someone else must have done it. It happened once before. Look in Friends.'<br />
<br />
I look, and a Friend request pops up from Lily.<br />
<br />
'There, you see!' she says triumphantly.<br />
<br />
The time of the request is one minute ago. In other words, at the point when I was shouting up the stairs that she must have Unfriended me. I draw her attention to her hasty attempt to re-beFriend me. She can't help grinning as she flounces back up the stairs.<br />
<br />
15:15<br />
<br />
From the green dot next to Lily's name in my Friends list, I take it that she is on Facebook.<br />
<span style="font-size: 11px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 11px; white-space: pre-wrap;">'Pooface,' I write in Facebook Chat. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span>
<br />
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L:</div>
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<br /></div>
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Chat conversation end</div>
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<span class="_510f">Sent from Balham</span></div>
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Me:<br />
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you're not in balham </div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
i hope! Unless you jumped out of the window and are on a long-distance run</div>
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<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
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<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Yh. It's like. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying!!</div>
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Yh u wish!!</div>
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<img class="img mvs" data-reactid=".r[3wo1x]" height="107" src="https://fbcdn-dragon-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/s128x128/851583_144885212352412_1022404625_n.png" style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;" width="128" /></div>
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<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me: </a></div>
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ok ok ok</div>
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<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
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</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<br />
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; text-decoration: none;"><img class="img mvs" data-reactid=".r[1zloc]" height="128" src="https://fbcdn-dragon-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/p128x128/851575_126362140881916_1086262136_n.png" style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;" width="128" /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
<img class="img mvs" data-reactid=".r[2yq87]" height="128" src="https://fbcdn-dragon-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/p128x128/851586_126361977548599_392107290_n.png" style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;" width="128" /></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me: </a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
okok</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
ok</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
enuff</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
already</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
pooface</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
<img class="img mvs" data-reactid=".r[uxd9]" height="50" src="https://fbcdn-dragon-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/p50x50/851577_246547505491999_862435009_n.png" style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 5px;" width="50" /></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
<br /></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
<div class="accessible_elem" style="clip: rect(1px 1px 1px 1px); font-size: 10.909090995788574px; height: 1px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; white-space: normal; width: 1px;">
Chat conversation end</div>
<div class="_51lq" style="clear: both; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; white-space: normal;">
</div>
<div class="_510g sentFromMobile" style="-webkit-user-select: none; clear: both; color: #a6a6a6; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-left: 26px; padding-bottom: 5px; visibility: visible; white-space: normal;">
<div class="_510h" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yz/r/OE5JMPL0yg5.png); background-position: -300px -379px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; float: left; height: 12px; margin-right: 7px; position: relative; width: 12px;">
</div>
<span class="_510f">Sent from Balham</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
you're stilll in Balham though!</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Go to Balham n find me!!</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
i have the police out looking for you as we speak</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
of course, since you're in communication with me, you could just tell me where you are</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Ohhh. In Antarctica</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Balham, Antarctica?</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Yup</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Can I have a proper phone with credit??</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
no</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Y</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
woss that mean?</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Omg. It's sooooooo obvious.</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Don't be so rude</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Y fronts?</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Man with a goatee?</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Yes?</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Yahoo?</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Yippee?</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Yumyumyum?</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Why?</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Finally</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
I'm withdrawing my offer of a lovely evening out as congratulations if you're going to be cheeky and rude and mean to your loving caring mother<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; text-decoration: none;"><br /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
L: Lolololololololol. It's only a q. <span class="emoticon emoticon_wink" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yK/r/r-s1sSegbX6.png); background-position: 0px -781px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title=";)"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="You" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/sue.carpenter.9404" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">Me:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
Q</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
:Q</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
:q</div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
?</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="mhs mbs pts fbChatConvItem _50dw clearfix small" style="background-color: white; border-top-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.909090995788574px; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; padding-top: 5px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_50ke" style="float: left; position: relative;">
<a aria-label="Simi Carpenter" class="profileLink" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/simi.carpenter" role="button" saprocessedanchor="true" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; display: block; text-decoration: none;">L:</a></div>
<div class="messages" style="margin-left: 40px;">
<div class="metaInfoContainer fss fcg" style="color: grey; font-size: 9px; padding-left: 3px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: -9px; visibility: hidden;">
<span class="timestamp"></span></div>
<div class="_kso fsm direction_ltr _55r0" data-jsid="message" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 3px; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">
<span class="emoticon emoticon_smile" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yK/r/r-s1sSegbX6.png); background-position: 0px -730px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title=":)"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<div class="_51lq" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 12.727272033691406px;">
</div>
<div class="_510g sentFromMobile" style="-webkit-user-select: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: #a6a6a6; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 12.727272033691406px; margin-left: 26px; padding-bottom: 5px; visibility: visible;">
<div class="_510h" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yz/r/OE5JMPL0yg5.png); background-position: -300px -379px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; float: left; height: 12px; margin-right: 7px; position: relative; width: 12px;">
</div>
<span class="_510f">Sent from Balham</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-54761345734722875462013-06-10T11:20:00.000+01:002013-06-11T08:34:01.353+01:00Communicating with the YoungI know, it's been all quiet on the Gray front. At least it has as far as my blog is concerned, but that's because life itself has been anything but quiet! More of that, possibly, in due course. :)<br />
<br />
Yes, I am now an official smiley and sad-face user, now that I communicate with the Younger Generation. I cannot hold back the tide. Lily has joined Facebook. She has a phone. We Like. We text. We :(. We :). She also :Ds and :ps and :/s, whatever they may mean.<br />
<br />
Our text conversations go something like this:<br />
<br />
L: Heey!<br />
<br />
Me: Heeey!<br />
<br />
L: Lol<br />
<br />
Me: Lol<br />
<br />
L: Quit copying!!<br />
<br />
Me: Darling it's called mirroring.<br />
<br />
[Pause while I open up Facebook to see what she's up to. Hmmm. Wish she were a little more discriminating with her Likes...]<br />
<br />
Me: Nice profile pic darling. How was your English exam?<br />
<br />
L: Arghh!!!!! It was awful!!!!!!!! I hate xams!!! They r EVIL THINGS THAT SHD NEVER HV BEEN INVENTED!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Me: :( I'm sure you did OK darling.<br />
<br />
L: Only got Latin left!!!!<br />
<br />
Me: Good oh. Anybody been in tears or tantrums?<br />
<br />
L: Me @ the beginning lol.<br />
<br />
Me: :( Which exam?<br />
<br />
L: Latin :(<br />
<br />
Me: Hang on, you said you only have Latin left, so doesn't that mean you haven't done it yet?<br />
<br />
L: Ohhh got confused. Lol. Hahaha. I cried before the xams it's called postexamsyndrome<br />
<br />
Me: Darling 'post' as you'll know from Latin is AFTER... Preexamsyndrome perhaps?<br />
<br />
L: Don't burst my bubble!! I thought I had made up a gd name there!!! :p<br />
<br />
Me: If you cry After the exams you could call it Postexamsydrome... :)<br />
<br />
L: *epic annoyed face w a thought saying Can't she accept my name for my illness??<br />
<br />
Me: :) Right honey pie. Enough texting and facebooking! Pls do some vocab revision and remember to be precise in your translations. Not just a roughly right one! :)<br />
<br />
L: Can I just say...<br />
<br />
L: I did a translation (cuz I wanted to) harder than CE AND she said I did WELL!!!<br />
<br />
Me: Lily! Do NOT put yr phone no on yr FB page. Delete that post quick.<br />
<br />
Me: Well done re Latin. I know u r v g at it<br />
<br />
L: Is this u?? 447749347296??<br />
<br />
Me: It is me your mother. Who else did you think it suddenly was? The 44 is the English country code. if u r in UK u use a 0 instead but on mobiles both work<br />
<br />
L: Ooohh!!!!! Can I get an oyster card??<br />
<br />
Me: Yes but it takes 2 wks<br />
<br />
L: Dowh :(<br />
<br />
L: Cb I gt a tube account?<br />
<br />
Me: What?<br />
<br />
L: utube<br />
<br />
Me: Ah. If u can set up without yr pic or age then yes. After the exams!<br />
<br />
L: Kk thanx. Also can I get the NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL 30 YEARS album??<br />
<br />
Me: Stop Lily! Go and R E V I S E!<br />
<br />
L: Lol<br />
<br />
L: Haha<br />
<br />
Me: Good luck darling xxx<br />
<br />
L: :p<br />
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-5063997981385455612013-05-01T10:48:00.000+01:002013-05-03T13:29:06.743+01:00From full-time Carer to Don't-Carer<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes! Am new fabulous guest blogger for <a href="http://uk.care.com/">Care.com</a>! My passport to fame and fortune! Hmmm. Had better check what <a href="http://uk.care.com/">Care.com</a> is. Ah. The world's largest online destination for care. As in babysitters, nannies, childminders, carers for the elderly... Which is all marvellous. (Carer for the elderly! Just what I need. Only ten years to go....) Childcare, though? The thing is, at 13 years old, my daughter apparently no longer needs Care. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let us wind back the clock to the beginning of term... Lily returns to The Manor with great excitement (our Easter holiday in Nepal was clearly purgatory for her, given that she slept all morning, Facebooked or
Garage Banded all afternoon, and only spoke to order lasagne from the menu in
the evening). She and her pals are milling around their dorm, where Violet
Winkworth is acting Lady Bountiful and doling out Weetos. But what's this?
Tallulah Barker is sitting on a mattress with a Tesco's bag over her head.</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My maternal carer instincts spring
into action. 'Take that plastic bag off your head!' I cry. 'It's dangerous! You
could suffocate.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Neither Tallulah nor her friends
appear to hear me, and so I do as any mother would, snatch off the bag,
whereupon Weetos spray around the dormitory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There's a stunned silence. Tallulah
looks at me in sullen incredulity. I turn to see a pink-cheeked Lily staring at
me. I pan around the dorm, taking in the newly teenaged faces gazing at me with
open jaws or giggling nervously behind their hands. I look at the plastic bag and the scattered Weetos, and it occurs to me that Tallulah was innocently
pretending to be a horse, eating from her nosebag. Possibly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Feeling like the butt of a Bateman
cartoon (The Woman Who Snatched the Tesco's Bag from the Teenager's Head), I
mutter an excuse and hasten from their midst. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, it has happened. My daughter is
Officially Embarrassed. Of me. By me. And I have played into her hands,
persisting in my role as Carer instead of Don't-Carer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The thing is, the transition from
hands-on to hands-off is hard to make when you have been the sole carer for 13
years, devoted to your child's every need and move. Aside from the early
years when Lily genuinely did need me (at least I think she did, though it's
hard to remember a time when she wasn't more resilient and independent than I),
I have spent days and weeks researching and booking activities, arranging
sleepovers and playdates and parties, helping her with homework, deliberating
which school would be the best for her, coaching her for exams, driving her to
and fro.... For all these years, Lily came first. As any child should. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But now, not only does she
apparently not need me, I am an embarrassing blot on her horizon. How do other
mothers do it? Step back and stop running and ruling their children's lives? While
a) not feeling personally wounded and b) retaining a modicum of influence and,
dare I venture, respect? Or is such a notion laughably old-fashioned?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'It gets worse,' say my friends of
14- and 15-year-old daughters. 'They're 100% focused on their peer group. And
boys.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh God. And this is precisely the
time that Lily is due to return to live at home in London. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Actually, I've done rather
marvellously since I moved back to
London last summer. I used to be driven demented by her lack of communication. Now I don't email her much any more, given that she rarely reads or responds to my missives. Nor does she phone home. Our last email exchange, over the course of three days, went like this:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Me: Lil</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">s darling, try calling me ... wd be nice to have a chat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">xxxx</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Lily: But with what??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Me: A phone? Using your phone card? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Lily: Phone cards too confusing plus none of the
phones actually work properly…</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">I don’t wanna use other peeps
mob…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Can a get a phone this
term???<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Then I can keep in touch my friends and I
can talk to after school…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Its wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
easier!!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">BIG TIME!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes. Well, given that she's supposed to be concentrating on her Common Entrance, 'keep in touch my friends' is precisely the thing I've been trying to avoid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But once she's back at home
full-time, will I be able to reinvent my Carer role? What will we be? Flatmates?
Landlady-lodger? (Is that Lily's tinkling laughter I hear? 'Yes, you'll be the
lodger, I'll be the landlady! Ha ha ha.'). I shall be beyond doormatting. I
shall shrivel up and slide between the gaps in the floorboards and be found
years later, when somebody buys the house.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Y'wha?' Lily will say. 'Oh, yeah. I
wondered where Mum'd got to.'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ah. Mr Postman! A letter from my
darling! It’s marvellous the way The Manor makes them write home on Sundays.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'MISS YOU AND DOLLY!!' she signs
off. 'Lots of love from your doted daughter,' which I take to be an amalgam of
'doting' and 'devoted'. And then, in the small print, 'Can you send me a letter
instead of an email sometimes??'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Aw. My baby. I rush to my office, grab a biro and
pull out a sheet of A4 from the printer. 'Darling Lilykins...'</span></div>
</div>
Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-30578296568561088842013-04-17T14:26:00.002+01:002013-04-17T14:27:07.893+01:00A haiku for Maggie ThatcherYou split the nation,<br />
ruling with your rod of iron;<br />
Now you've split for goodEliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-51598690038619653832013-02-14T11:10:00.003+00:002013-02-14T11:10:43.521+00:00Happy Valentine's Day?10:48<br />
<br />
Ah. Here he comes. Mr Postman. With a great red satchel full of red envelopes!<br />
<br />
10:52<br />
<br />
Gosh, he's spending rather a lot of time at No 6. I suppose it's their teenage boys. All those lovelorn schoolgirls...<br />
<br />
10:55<br />
<br />
Ah. He's crossed on to our side now. No 5. No 4.<br />
<br />
10:58<br />
<br />
No 3. No 2. No...<br />
<br />
Hang on! What's going on? He's turned on his heel and is walking back down the street, his satchel slung nonchalantly - not to mention emptily - over his shoulder!<br />
<br />
11:02<br />
<br />
Maybe he's gone to fetch his trolley. The one with all the really heavy things in it.<br />
<br />
11:09<br />
<br />
Maybe not.<br />
<br />
:(<br />
<br />
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-83022522134072832782013-02-03T14:05:00.004+00:002013-02-03T14:05:43.217+00:00A New You!Honestly. All the papers and magazines keep banging on about the New You as if it's the Holy Grail of existence. 90 Days to A New You! 30 Days to A New You! 21 Days To A New You! 20 Days To A New You! Any advance on 20 days? No. Going going gone.<br />
<br />
Well it's all rubbish. Once you're past 40, you don't want a New You. You want the Old You.Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-30686840380372089832013-01-31T13:18:00.005+00:002013-01-31T13:18:50.860+00:00Muffin tops and spring cleansing'I can't bear it,' I say to Lily on viewing myself in the bathroom mirror. 'I've got a muffin top.'<br />
<br />
'Is it blueberry?' she enquires sweetly.<br />
<br />
'Do you actually know what a muffin top is?'<br />
<br />
'Not really.'<br />
<br />
'Well this one's pinky-white and fleshy and fatty.'<br />
<br />
'Yuk!'<br />
<br />
'Precisely. What am I going to do?'<br />
<br />
'You should go to the gym.'<br />
<br />
The thing is, I hate gyms. The only time I had a personal trainer, and paid him jolly good money I may add, he gave up on me.<br />
<br />
'I give up,' he said. 'When we work on a muscle in your calf, your thigh hurts. When we work on your triceps, your neck aches.' I only stayed with him because of the final stretch at the end of the session, where I'd be on my back with my knees up to my stomach and he'd lie on top of me, gazing deep into my eyes with his beautiful green-flecked eyes.<br />
<br />
He turned gay soon afterwards.<br />
<br />
Ah well. It's a toss-up between the 5:2 and the Alkaline Diet. Except. Darn. Just remembered that delicious lemon drizzle polenta cake Lily made at the weekend. Ah well. I'll start tomorrow.Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-66767611152298284352013-01-22T11:24:00.000+00:002013-01-22T11:24:05.842+00:00Winter warmersHonestly! I feel like some sort of Nanook of the North these days. And that's <i>in</i> the house.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today Eliza is wearing: one tatty silk vest c. 1997 from Vietnam, one Uniqlo thermal vest, one Uniqlo lambswool polo neck (not a recommended item since it looks 10 years old after 2 months), one rabbit fur gilet from some posh country barn sale, one <a href="http://www.cosicompany.com/">Cosi</a> cashmere blanket from Nepal and one wool hat from Morocco </td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MnmeFMDYfFs/UP5zhtVts_I/AAAAAAAAAKw/ntPSyxAlqSQ/s1600/wear1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MnmeFMDYfFs/UP5zhtVts_I/AAAAAAAAAKw/ntPSyxAlqSQ/s320/wear1.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cRTgEILHgyg/UP5zuHIHSzI/AAAAAAAAALI/GNpnvRlExro/s1600/wear6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cRTgEILHgyg/UP5zuHIHSzI/AAAAAAAAALI/GNpnvRlExro/s320/wear6.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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What's everyone else wearing to keep life and limb together in the freeze?Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-81212551429530553582013-01-16T14:17:00.000+00:002013-01-17T17:41:45.346+00:00Zips, golden shotguns and shampooI know, I know. Where, you may well ask, have I been? Well, I've been coaching my poor child throughout the Christmas 'holidays' for a school entrance exam and music scholarship. I know, I know. Since when was I a tiger mother? A pushy Chelsea parent? I, who manage to achieve practically nothing in my day? Yes, yes. Good points, well made.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Lily has now returned to the Manor, and I offer you a brief digest of choice morsels from the past few days.<br />
<br />
1. <b>The Golden Shotgun</b><br />
<br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">As a post-exam treat, </span>Cousin Jaz and I take Lily to see Les Miserables (OMG, btw! Hugh Jackman, once he's ditched the beard and the brown teeth, is a dead ringer for Duncan, with his salt and pepper curls! <i>Mmmm</i>!) followed by <i>en plein air</i> crepes and cocktails (well, chocolate milkshake in Lily's case).<br />
<br />
Lily instantly bags the seat facing the patio heater. Except she doesn't say, 'Bagsy,' or 'Bags I this seat'. She says, 'Shotgun this seat!'<br />
<br />
'<i>What</i>?' we demand.<br />
<br />
'I've shotgunned it, so you can't have it!' she cries, throwing her head back with wild laughter.<br />
<br />
'<i>Shot</i>gunned it?'<br />
<br />
'You can use your shotgun to shoot down a bagsy. We all do it in the Com. If I shotgun the sofa, then nobody else can sit there. Unless they Golden Shotgun it and then they can have it. Except I've Golden Shotgunned the sofa, so I've got it for the whole term!' She dissolves into self-satisfied mirth.<br />
<br />
'So why don't you just walk into the room and Golden Shotgun it straight away?' asks Jaz.<br />
<br />
'Because people bagsy or shotgun places and then go and get changed, and you can't take their seat because they've shotgunned it. You have to Golden Shotgun it when they're there.'<br />
<br />
'It's a pity there wasn't a philosophy paper today,' notes Jaz, 'because you'd have done very well.'<br />
<br />
'But basically,' Lily continues, 'nobody wants the sofa anyway. They like sitting on the piano.'<br />
<br />
'So you shot your bolt unnecessarily,' I say.<br />
<br />
'Whaah?' asks Lily.<br />
<br />
So much for my marvellous English tuition over the past weeks.<br />
<br />
2. <b>Zip</b><br />
<br />
Fortified by our caipirinhas/mojitos, Cousin Jaz and I are quizzing Lily about her exams.<br />
<br />
'Zip! Zip! Zip!' says Lily, miming a brisk zipping of her lips.<br />
<br />
'Oh come on, darling. What did you write in your English essay?'<br />
<br />
'It was about a Margarita and a Mojito and a Bloody Mary which were all £4.50,' she says, reading off the happy hour menu chalked on the blackboard.<br />
<br />
I change tack. 'Did you have to do any algebra?'<br />
<br />
'Yes.'<br />
<br />
'And did you remember to do the same to both sides?'<br />
<br />
'Zip! Zip! Zip-zip Golden Shotgun <i>zip</i>!' declares Lily, eyes blazing.<br />
<br />
'How can you Golden Shotgun a zip?' I accuse. <br />
<br />
'That's an inappropriate use of a Golden Shotgun,' points out Cousin Jaz.<br />
<br />
Lily glares at us with more than a hint of menace. '<i>Zip</i>!'<br />
<br />
3. <b>The Pantene Scandal</b><br />
<br />
'And another thing...' I'm having a satisfying putting-the-world-to-rightsy breakfast with Cass, with whom I'm staying after delivering my darling back to school. 'Pantene! The shampoo and conditioner bottles are exactly the same!'<br />
<br />
'I know!' she squeals. 'And you need your glasses to read whether it's shampoo or conditioner...'<br />
<br />
'...which obviously you're not wearing in the shower!' I finish triumphantly.<br />
<br />
'Piers has been washing his hair with conditioner for years,' Cass adds. 'He didn't realise there was a difference.'<br />
<br />
You see? I blame it on the young designers. Someone who needs reading glasses needs to take charge! Maybe this is my new vocation? Design adviser for the over 50s market!<br />
<br />
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-37778897204920170082012-12-26T11:30:00.000+00:002012-12-28T00:58:24.201+00:00Garnier UltraLift Firming Day Cream ScandalArgh!!!<br />
<br />
I wake up with the strange sensation of not being able to fully open my eyes. In the dim morning light I look in the mirror, to discover that my wildest fears have come true. My new annual Christmas affliction is upon me: I have turned into a Black Puffle.<br />
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If you are not fully acquainted with Puffledom, let me refer you to my post of Monday, 26 December, 2011.<br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Can’t seem to get my eyes open this morning. Stagger to bathroom. Oh God! My eyes look like two puffball mushrooms with black dots in the middle. Splash with cold water. Pat dry. Argh. Still puffballs. Must lie down with legs in air. Oh no, that’s for swollen legs. Must stand up with eyes in the air. Yes, keep standing. Don’t bend over.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Argh. It’s the hunt meet at 11. Need to show my face, puffballs and all. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Lily bursts into my room. She’s wearing her jodhpurs and is jiggling up and down with excitement.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">‘Mummy! They’re all going hunting. It’s really unfair!’ She stops mid-jiggle and stares at me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">‘Mummy, you look like a Black Puffle from Club Penguin.’<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">‘Oh God. What’s a Black Puffle?’<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">‘It’s got massive white eyes with titchy little black dots in the middle. And it’s technically a black fluff ball but it comes in different colours, like red and blue and purple and pink. I don’t think they come in green, unfortunately, or yellow.’ <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel like going back to bed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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You see? Other people get Norovirus or winter flu and escape the Christmas festivities (and therefore photos) altogether. I look like a Black Puffle and am captured thus for posterity.</div>
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It all began five or six days ago, when I bought a little red pot of Garnier UltraLift Anti-Wrinkle Firming Day Cream. Despite the overpowering perfume, I<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"> </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">dabbed a touch on the Grand Canyon eyelids and they turned instantly firm, smooth and chasm-free. More dabs on my cheeks and they took on the rosy, plumped-up glow of summer instead of the </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">desiccated, </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">grey, weather-beaten lifelessness of winter. </span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">'Eureka!' I thought. There is a simple antidote to winter that does not involve flying half-way round the world.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Then yesterday I felt an odd roughness to my forehead, cheeks and neck. I seemed to have come up in a rash. Now, in addition to the Black Puffle eyes, I look as if I'm recovering from chicken pox.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I look up the cream online. Ah! </span><i style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Pro-retinol derived from nature</i><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">. As if it's something benign and nurturing! Rather than known to cause irritation, burning and peeling skin.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">'It should come with a massive warning!' I squeal over breakfast, scabbed forehead in hands. 'It should be taken off the market!'</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">'</span><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Thalidomide's being used again,' Giles remarks, looking round from his bacon-frying.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Honestly! Big Pharma have no scruples. They don't care about the small man. Or the Puffle-eyed woman. I shall write to M Garnier first thing in the morning! </span></div>
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Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-45558678677130964262012-12-24T14:24:00.000+00:002012-12-24T19:37:17.011+00:00All set for Christmas<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This post comes to you from the frozen meals aisle at Tesco, where the world, his wife and I are queuing in the vague hope of reaching the tills before Christmas Day. Yes, I know. As Cass just said during our 20 minute chat about Christmases past and present, during which time I progressed from Jus-Roll to Linda McCartney, 'Are you mad?'</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br />The thing is, everyone's been saying for weeks, 'All set for Christmas, then?' and I've been saying, 'oh yes,' since there's nothing I need to do for Christmas given that a) apart from Lily, there's only me and Dan, and Dan doesn't give presents, and b) I was waiting to see whether the world ended before I wasted my money. Now, at the eleventh hour, I am thinking, 'Argh,' given that a) the world hasn't ended and b) what about Sal and Giles and Phoebe and my godson Arthur, who we're spending Christmas with? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Which is why I'm on a chicken liver mission. I have trawled the butchers of south-west London, but everywhere has sold out of chicken livers. <i>E</i><i>xcept</i>, as it turns out,<i> </i>Tesco frozen section. If I make the till before nightfall, I shall make gallons of chicken liver pâté with lashings of brandy, and, tomorrow, the fact that I haven't bought any presents will be forgotten in our heavenly chicken liver pâté haze. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The Tesco triumph comes hot on the heels of my Chelsea Garden Centre triumph. Lily insisted on our having a Christmas tree and in a fit of non-curmudgeonliness I capitulated. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'Have you got anything cheap and nasty?' was my opening gambit. It wasn't quite what I meant to say. I think I meant something like 'cheap and cheerful,' or 'any seconds'. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Without uttering a word, the garden centre man led me to the back of the yard to a sodden pile of prone trees in their webbing sheaths. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'That too big for yer?' He pointed to a monster 10 footer.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'Yes,' I choked. That would surely set us back at least 80 quid.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'This?' He started ripping the webbing off a handsome 7 footer. 'Don't even know what's wrong with this one,' he added, inspecting it for missing branches and other irregularities, of which there were none.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'Well, it looks perfect,' I said, 'but how much is it?' According to their scale of charges it should be at least 60 quid. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'£20,' he said.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'Done!' </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So that is how we came to have the best-ever Christmas tree this year. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">'Even though it still looks rather bare,' says Lily, looking over my shoulder as I type. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Crushed again. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Happy Christmas everyone.</span><br />
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Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-11889232696002997262012-12-14T19:05:00.002+00:002012-12-14T19:05:25.712+00:00Combating the brain fog?08:45<br />
<br />
I am determined to combat the brain fog. First, I step up the pace of my morning walk, march up soggy hill and down dale, do a few energising Tai Chi-ish stretches, and return to make a healthy breakfast. Ah it feels good to be alive!<br />
<br />
I make a cup of Pukka Three Ginger tea 'to uplift and warm', then chop up an apple and a banana, add a handful of blueberries and sprinkle over walnuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds and linseeds. Yes! Soon my brain will be firing on all cylinders.<br />
<br />
I take the Onken Biopot natural set yogurt with brain-enhancing live cultures from the fridge, take a big spoonful and dollop it... in my Pukka tea.<br />
<br />
Argh! <br />
<br />
10:35<br />
<br />
Lily calls. Ah. My baby is coming home soon.<br />
<br />
'Mum! Have you got my blue suitcase? We're packing this morning.'<br />
<br />
Oh God. I race to the cupboard and find I have indeed got her blue suitcase. How could that happen? Why would I have taken it away, empty?<br />
<br />
'Sorry, darling, you're going to have to pack everything in bin liners. I'll bring the case and you can transfer it on Sunday morning.'<br />
<br />
'<i>Bin liners</i>?' she repeats.<br />
<br />
'I'm afraid so. There's nothing else we can do.'<br />
<br />
11.10<br />
<br />
Hang on. Didn't she take my big black suitcase back to school this term? Since she was boarding she needed the bigger one. I race back to the cupboard. Yes! No black suitcase.<br />
<br />
I call her back. 'Lily! You didn't take your blue suitcase. You took my big black suitcase!'<br />
<br />
'I knew that,' she says without missing a beat.<br />
<br />
'<i>What</i>? You <i>knew</i>...'<br />
<br />
She laughs. 'That's what we say when we've been really dumb and find out the answer. I'm looking at it now!'<br />
<br />
Honestly! Still, you see, excellent attitude. In future, when people say, 'You're an hour late for lunch,' or 'You've just put yogurt in your tea,' I'll just say, 'I knew that.'Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-39295855256730698892012-12-12T22:37:00.000+00:002012-12-13T11:06:38.896+00:00Mild to moderate marble loss It's official. Well, unofficially. I am losing my marbles. It all started (well, the recent bout) on Saturday, when I drove down to the country a) to get my hair cut and b) to see Lily's nativity play. The reason for a) is that I found a nice hairdresser who doesn't cut holes in my hair and then spit vitriol at me when I return to see if they can remedy the mess they've made.<br />
<br />
So, aware that Dolly has been stuck in the car for 3 hours and will have to endure another hour while I'm at the hairdresser's, I turn down a side road when I draw near Candlebury to take her for a quick walk. I am really excited about having my hair cut. But it seems I have chosen a No Through Road that is long and narrow with nowhere to pull over or turn round. As time ticks by, I keep driving in the wrong direction until, at last, the verge widens and looks unmuddy enough for me to pull in without getting stuck. I pull in and get stuck. The more I turn the wheels and reverse, the bigger groove they spin into the mud.<br />
<br />
Giving up, with a lot of swearing disbelief (<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I mean, its not as if I haven't recently lived in the country and have never seen a soggy verge or its consequences before), </span>I walk to the end of the road and knock on the door of the first house. A nice-looking young man in combats opens the door.<br />
<br />
'Ooh, you look strong,' I say.<br />
<br />
Ben is soon accompanying me back to the car with a spade and some sacks. He digs and we push and pull and thrust sacks and dog towels under the wheels, but to no avail. He then fetches his car and some rope, but his isn't a 4 wheel drive either, and he can't find his tow hitch. Meanwhile, I'm on to the nice hairdresser who is sounding slightly testy but says she'll try and slot me in. After an hour or so, along comes Ben's nice neighbour, Ken, in his Land Rover, and has me out in a jiffy. I give Ben and Ken the bottle of Malbec I'd bought for Cass and race to the hairdresser, who agrees to give me a wet cut without the blow dry because they're chockablock all afternoon. There's a slight Edward Scissorhandsy mania about her technique. Afterwards I find holes.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, during the past two weeks, friends from France have been emailing a group of London friends to arrange a lunch. They ask for restaurant suggestions. I suggest the Riverfront at the BFI Southbank. Brilliant suggestion, they say, is everyone up for that on 12th December at 1pm? Oh yes. I am really looking forward to it. So, today, at 12.30pm, I decide to take Dolly for a squelchy frozen walk. Then I come home and turn on the oven. At 1.13pm I go over to the fridge and glance at my diary. Argh! The lunch. I call the Riverfront and say I'm on my way. I arrive at 1.55pm, just as they're starting their main course. Not bad going, I suppose, for someone with depleted marbles. But honestly. Soon I won't be allowed out alone.<br />
<br />
Is anyone else similarly afflicted?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-23638009271591082932012-12-05T22:03:00.001+00:002012-12-05T22:30:45.191+00:00Take a letter, Ms GrayNo word from my darling daughter since the weekend. I find myself perusing her old emails from her early days at The Manor, two years ago. In those days, she occasionally thought of me. Sometimes she even missed me.<br />
<br />
Look at this one!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">MUMAMUMAMUMMUMAMUMAMUMAMUMAMUMA<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Wingdings; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">JJJJJJJJJJJJJJ</span></span><span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">:</span></span><span style="color: navy; font-family: Wingdings; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">JJJJJJJJ</span></span><span style="color: navy; font-family: Wingdings; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">JJJJJJ</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Aww. And this one:</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">MUMA<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">MUMA<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">MUMA<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">MUMA
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">ME WANT TO SEE YOU
‘GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><u><span style="color: #ff6600; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: 22pt;">NOW<o:p></o:p></span></span></u></i></b></div>
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<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial;">Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Awwww. My little bubba. I mean, I know it seems like she's about six years old, but that's just an affectation. I think.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ah. The phone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Hi,' says a perky voice. 'How are you and Dolly?' </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's Lily! Who never rings me. I've conjured her up! 'Hello, darling! That's amazing telepathy! I was just looking at your old emails from the days when you actually missed me.'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'<i>Really</i>?' She sounds astonished. '<i>Did</i> I?' she adds in a well-I-never-whatever-next kind of tone. 'Mu-um, I haven't got enough Christmas cards for my whole year, can you send me some more?'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I get a notepad and pen, ready to take down my instructions. 'How many do you need?'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'About 20?'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'You could always make them...' I suggest.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Na, there's too many. I have</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> actually made a <i>really</i> pretty card and I've stuck a picture of Dolly inside and... it might be for Cousin Claude... or it might be for you... or it might be for me! "Dear Lily, Have a lovely Christmas. Love from You Know Who." It can be done!'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Honestly. She's such a tease. I start scribbling. </span><i>1. 20 Christmas cards.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'We got fitted for our costumes for the Nativity yesterday but we haven't actually got our wings yet. Mu-um, can you bring my white strappy vest?'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>2. White strappy vest.</i> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">'We had our lighting rehearsal today and it's <i>so</i> glary in our eyes! I wish the angels could wear sunglasses.'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I laugh.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
'I'm <i>serious</i>! It's <i>serious</i>ly glary! Mu-um, can you bring my new party dress for the carol service?'</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
'It's a bit glittery and eveningy isn't it?' I venture. The entire bodice is a shimmering mass of sequins. We bought it for Lily's first ball, the day after she breaks up, in the village hall next to the school.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
'No, it'll be fine. Esme's going to wear her party dress, and so is Mattie, and they really want to see mine.'</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>3. Party dress. </i><br />
<br />
Lily's conversation seems to have run out, so I tell her about my scintillating week so far, which consists of what I had for dinner today and what I just bought from Sainsbury's. 'Anything else you'd like to say to your Muma?' I ask.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
'We-e-ell,' says Lily, 'I would like a new Ipod case, hint, hint.'</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that's it. We have fast-tracked into the kind of boss-secretary relationship that usually kicks in when offspring leave home for university. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>4. Ipod case.</i></div>
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-83633173875061941352012-11-29T03:45:00.000+00:002012-11-29T14:44:38.240+00:00Licence to tweetThe name's Gray, Eliza Gray. The mission, to push the social media envelope. Tonight the challenge is a Tweetathon to the farthest reaches of the Twittersphere, boldly tweeting throughout the Shoreditch House Literary Salon.<br />
<br />
While the audience listens, rapt, to their literary/musical heroines, Jojo Moyes, Naomi Alderman and Cerys Matthews, I spend the evening in a parallel universe, tapping away into my iPhone, oblivious to what's being read or said. But no matter! I am a woman of our time! And when I scroll through my oeuvre at the end of the evening, I discover that our great Salonniere, Damian Barr, has favourited no less than six of my tweets and replied to one! Yay. Recognition!<br />
<br />
I also discover that one of my tweets ended up at the #lastchancesaloon instead of the #litsalon, another, inexplicably, at #whattowear, and one hopped over to the Leveson inquiry. A few are still orbiting the Twittersphere.<br />
<br />
Here are those tweets in full, to be read from bottom to top.<br />
<br />
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item after-expanded" data-item-id="273943433910046720" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273943433910046720" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-top-left-radius: 6px; border-top-right-radius: 6px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="4:16 PM - 28 Nov 12">4:16 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273943433910046720" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273943433910046720" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273943433910046720" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273943433910046720" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
<strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id"></strong><br />
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Still here at Shoreditch House - the thing is, how do you get out of this place? <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<a class="details with-icn js-details" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273943433910046720" style="color: #999999; display: inline-block; font-size: 12px; margin-right: 2px; text-decoration: initial;"><span style="color: #999999;"><span class="details-icon js-icon-container" style="display: inline-block; font-size: 12px; margin-right: 2px;"></span></span><b style="color: #0084b4; display: inline-block; font-size: 12px; font-weight: normal; margin-right: 2px; text-decoration: initial;"><span class="expand-stream-item js-view-details"><span class="expand-action-wrapper" style="color: #999999;">Expand</span></span></b></a></div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273902671264641025" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273902671264641025" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="1:34 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:34 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273902671264641025" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273902671264641025" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273902671264641025" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273902671264641025" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; text-decoration: initial;">Eliza Gray</strong><span style="color: #999999; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"> </span></span><span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="color: #999999; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; text-decoration: initial; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Well it's all over and I have completed my tweetathon! Really am marvellous <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> </div>
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<a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:33 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:33 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273902391265472514" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273902391265472514" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273902391265472514" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273902391265472514" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273902391265472514" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:33 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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The thing is, could I pass for under 30? My erotic bestseller cd win the Dylan Thomas prize of 30 grand! <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:31 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:31 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273901992072577025" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273901992072577025" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273901992072577025" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273901992072577025" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273901992072577025" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:31 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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We're singing along. It really is marvellous this <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> lark. Who knew we'd be clapping and a-singin?</div>
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<span title="1:29 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:29 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273901487275536384" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273901487275536384" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273901487275536384" data-mentions="palashdave Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273901487275536384" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273901487275536384" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:29 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Ooh banjo too. <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/palashdave" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">palashdave</b></a> wants to join in <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> says no. This is getting marvellously exciting <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:28 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:28 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273901202817818624" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273901202817818624" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273901202817818624" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273901202817818624" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273901202817818624" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:28 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Singing pretty Rabbie Burns song to tune of 'are you going to San Francisco' <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:25 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:25 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273900553887686656" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273900553887686656" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273900553887686656" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273900553887686656" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273900553887686656" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:25 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Cerys says you can hide behind music but wd be terrifying to put words together and call it poetry <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:24 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:24 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273900226056695809" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273900226056695809" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273900226056695809" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273900226056695809" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273900226056695809" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:24 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Ooh she's picked up her guitar <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:21 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:21 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273899526144811009" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273899526144811009" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273899526144811009" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273899526144811009" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273899526144811009" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:21 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Missed the pizza btw. Starving <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:21 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:21 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273899358544605184" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273899358544605184" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273899358544605184" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273899358544605184" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273899358544605184" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:21 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Sylvia's good on throwing snowballs <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:19 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:19 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273898877214654464" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273898877214654464" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273898877214654464" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273898877214654464" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273898877214654464" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:19 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Oh it's the dinner gong <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:18 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:18 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273898695945252866" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273898695945252866" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273898695945252866" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273898695945252866" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273898695945252866" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:18 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Naomi Alderman on cymbally gongy thing, quivering with anticipation<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:17 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:17 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273898321326796800" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273898321326796800" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273898321326796800" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273898321326796800" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273898321326796800" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:17 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Audience taking place of Cerys's musicians. Marvellous. <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:15 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:15 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273897939431206912" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273897939431206912" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273897939431206912" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273897939431206912" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273897939431206912" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:15 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Ooh audience participation. Quick. hide. Gosh, lots of raised hands. Sylvia's in there <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:12 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:12 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273897282095706112" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273897282095706112" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273897282095706112" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273897282095706112" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273897282095706112" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:12 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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I really think they could look into chasing the electric cables into the wall<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:11 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:11 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273896798249181184" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273896798249181184" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273896798249181184" data-mentions="palashdave" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273896798249181184" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273896798249181184" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:11 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Ooh she's reading a thing about Laugharne for <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/palashdave" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">palashdave</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> we love Laugharne</div>
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<span title="1:09 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:09 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273896524935741442" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273896524935741442" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273896524935741442" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273896524935741442" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273896524935741442" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:09 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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'A nod to a future event which if you don't mind Naomi is Christmas' gets a big laugh. <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:06 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:06 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273895602713137152" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273895602713137152" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273895602713137152" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273895602713137152" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273895602713137152" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:06 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Cerys is reading from Dylan. Hope she does Oh mr tambourine man<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:02 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:02 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273894559627505665" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273894559627505665" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273894559627505665" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273894559627505665" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273894559627505665" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:02 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Stripes r us - at least 6 people wearing stripy matelot tops in audience<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Leveson&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Leveson</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="1:00 PM - 28 Nov 12">1:00 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273894132412456960" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273894132412456960" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273894132412456960" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273894132412456960" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273894132412456960" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="1:00 PM - 28 Nov 12">13h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Oh the woman in the hat is Cerys Matthews! I can't see her without my glasses but she's adorable <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:18 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:18 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273883479840784385" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273883479840784385" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273883479840784385" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273883479840784385" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273883479840784385" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:18 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Must be pizza time soon <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:16 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:16 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273883025857736704" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273883025857736704" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273883025857736704" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273883025857736704" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273883025857736704" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:16 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Response from middle Britain to story ... Emails calling for her to be tried for blasphemy. Aw Bless dem christians <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:13 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:13 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273882246635720705" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273882246635720705" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273882246635720705" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273882246635720705" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273882246635720705" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:13 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Exhausting - iPhone in one hand, wine glass in the other, half an ear on proceedings ... :( <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:11 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:11 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273881801863356417" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273881801863356417" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273881801863356417" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273881801863356417" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273881801863356417" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:11 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Apparently the thing Jews find really weird is this guy whos totally like celibate could be king of the jews <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:08 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:08 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273881020980424704" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273881020980424704" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273881020980424704" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273881020980424704" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273881020980424704" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:08 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Sex sex sex tweet tweet <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:06 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:06 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273880655828500480" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273880655828500480" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273880655828500480" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273880655828500480" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273880655828500480" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:06 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Nobody interested in Jesus at the time apparently. <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:05 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:05 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273880255754821632" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273880255754821632" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273880255754821632" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273880255754821632" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273880255754821632" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:05 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Naomi cut the Judas and Jesus sex scene!!! Wise <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a><a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a></div>
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<span title="12:02 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:02 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273879463190745088" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273879463190745088" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273879463190745088" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273879463190745088" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273879463190745088" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:02 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Pontiff. Ponying pontine oh bum!!! Pointers pontiff pontius Pilate invented term cloak and dagger</div>
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<span title="12:00 PM - 28 Nov 12">12:00 PM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273879000609337344" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273879000609337344" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273879000609337344" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273879000609337344" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273879000609337344" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="12:00 PM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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I must say people are listening very attentively. Ooh there's Dave Gilmour<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:57 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:57 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273878205860024320" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273878205860024320" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273878205860024320" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273878205860024320" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273878205860024320" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:57 AM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Bal-you-strade <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:56 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:56 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273878068400115712" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273878068400115712" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273878068400115712" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273878068400115712" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273878068400115712" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:56 AM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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This is marvellous - really getting the hang of it. Tweet tweet. Pilate has flared nostrils <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:54 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:54 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273877451220869120" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273877451220869120" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273877451220869120" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273877451220869120" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273877451220869120" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:54 AM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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<a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> looks nice in ankle boots and velvet jacket <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> oh! people of Jerusalem!</div>
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<span title="11:51 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:51 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273876818480754689" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273876818480754689" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273876818480754689" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273876818480754689" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:51 AM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Argh! Horses scream in terror but death is always the same <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a><a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:50 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:50 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273876556462575616" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273876556462575616" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273876556462575616" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273876556462575616" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273876556462575616" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:50 AM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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David king of the Jews! <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> prof Naomi alderman reading from her novel in the time of Jesus</div>
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<span title="11:49 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:49 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273876180736823296" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273876180736823296" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273876180736823296" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273876180736823296" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:49 AM - 28 Nov 12">14h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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What?</div>
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<span title="11:48 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:48 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273876018673115136" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273876018673115136" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273876018673115136" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273876018673115136" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273876018673115136" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:48 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Prof Naomi Alderman on a novel from the time of Jesus. <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23whattowear&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">whattowear</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:44 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:44 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273875071892852736" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273875071892852736" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273875071892852736" data-mentions="jojomoyes Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273875071892852736" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273875071892852736" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:44 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Yay! Thank you so much <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/jojomoyes" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">jojomoyes</b></a> !! <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> gosh this is exhausting...</div>
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<span title="11:43 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:43 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273874698545274880" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273874698545274880" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273874698545274880" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273874698545274880" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:43 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Hmmm. Ceiling needs replastering... <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:40 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:40 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273873948012314624" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273873948012314624" data-mentions="Damian_Barr emmafreud" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273873948012314624" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273873948012314624" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:40 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Sylvia's hand is up but <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> says it's a q for afterwards. Something to do with <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/emmafreud" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">emmafreud</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:36 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:36 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273873113106763777" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273873113106763777" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273873113106763777" data-mentions="jojomoyes" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273873113106763777" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273873113106763777" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:36 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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<a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/jojomoyes" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">jojomoyes</b></a> deleted 70000 wds of her book - on purpose! Oh God! Maybe need to cull some of erotic novel? <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:35 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:35 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273872654518337536" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273872654518337536" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273872654518337536" data-mentions="jojomoyes Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273872654518337536" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273872654518337536" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:35 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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More fascinating than what brings people together is what keeps them apart says <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/jojomoyes" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">jojomoyes</b></a> <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273872301378920449" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273872301378920449" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="11:33 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:33 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273872301378920449" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273872301378920449" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273872301378920449" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273872301378920449" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273872301378920449" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:33 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Eh? Where did that go?</div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273872179815399424" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273872179815399424" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="11:33 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:33 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273872179815399424" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273872179815399424" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273872179815399424" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273872179815399424" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273872179815399424" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:33 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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More fascinating than what keeps people together is what keeps them apart says</div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273871665371418625" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273871665371418625" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="11:31 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:31 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273871665371418625" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273871665371418625" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273871665371418625" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273871665371418625" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273871665371418625" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:31 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Well with this tweeting lark i missed virtually all of JoJo Moyes 's reading but here's lovely <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a></div>
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<span title="11:26 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:26 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273870499401064450" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273870499401064450" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273870499401064450" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273870499401064450" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273870499401064450" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:26 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> argh - tweeting!</div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273870325849153536" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273870325849153536" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="11:25 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:25 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273870325849153536" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273870325849153536" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273870325849153536" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273870325849153536" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273870325849153536" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:25 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23lastchancesaloon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">lastchancesaloon</b></a> argh tweeting</div>
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<a class="details with-icn js-details" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273870325849153536" style="color: #999999; display: inline-block; font-size: 12px; margin-right: 2px; text-decoration: initial;"><span class="details-icon js-icon-container"></span><b style="color: #0084b4; font-weight: normal;"><span class="expand-stream-item js-view-details"><span class="expand-action-wrapper" style="color: #999999;">Expand</span></span></b></a></div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273870168860549121" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273870168860549121" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
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<span title="11:25 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:25 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273870168860549121" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273870168860549121" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273870168860549121" data-mentions="Damian_Barr" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273870168860549121" data-user-id="370959710" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273870168860549121" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:25 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Am annoying everyone teething nonstop <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a></div>
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<a class="details with-icn js-details" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273870168860549121" style="color: #999999; display: inline-block; font-size: 12px; margin-right: 2px; text-decoration: initial;"><span class="details-icon js-icon-container"></span><b style="color: #0084b4; font-weight: normal;"><span class="expand-stream-item js-view-details"><span class="expand-action-wrapper" style="color: #999999;">Expand</span></span></b></a></div>
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<div class="js-stream-item stream-item stream-item expanding-stream-item" data-item-id="273869456357355520" data-item-type="tweet" id="stream-item-tweet-273869456357355520" style="-webkit-background-clip: padding-box; background-clip: padding-box; background-color: white; border-left-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="tweet original-tweet js-stream-tweet js-actionable-tweet js-hover js-profile-popup-actionable js-original-tweet
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<span title="11:22 AM - 28 Nov 12">11:22 AM - 28 Nov 12</span>
&middot; <a class="permalink-link js-permalink js-nav" href="/GrayEliza/status/273869456357355520" >Details</a>
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" data-feedback-key="stream_status_273869456357355520" data-is-reply-to="" data-item-id="273869456357355520" data-mentions="Damian_Barr palashdave" data-name="Eliza Gray" data-screen-name="GrayEliza" data-tweet-id="273869456357355520" data-user-id="370959710" style="background-color: whitesmoke; border-bottom-color: rgb(232, 232, 232); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; cursor: pointer; min-height: 51px; padding: 9px 12px; position: relative; zoom: 1;">
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<small class="time" style="color: #bbbbbb; float: right; font-size: 12px; margin-top: 1px; position: relative;"><a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza/status/273869456357355520" style="color: #999999; font-size: 12px; text-decoration: initial;" title="11:22 AM - 28 Nov 12">15h</a></small><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="370959710" href="https://twitter.com/GrayEliza" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: initial;"><strong class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id" style="color: #333333;">Eliza Gray</strong> <span class="username js-action-profile-name" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; unicode-bidi: embed;"><s style="color: #bbbbbb; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="font-weight: normal;">GrayEliza</b></span></a></div>
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Marvellous! At shoreditch house <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23litsalon&src=hash" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">#</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">litsalon</b></a> with the beautiful people<a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/Damian_Barr" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Damian_Barr</b></a> <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/palashdave" style="color: #0084b4; text-decoration: initial;"><s style="color: #66b5d2; text-decoration: initial;">@</s><b style="color: inherit; font-weight: normal;">palashdave</b></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VlNTpUkx8FU/ULdR0RKJLMI/AAAAAAAAAI0/8vE0GyFt9vg/s1600/Shoreditch2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="207" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VlNTpUkx8FU/ULdR0RKJLMI/AAAAAAAAAI0/8vE0GyFt9vg/s320/Shoreditch2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Recovering after the Tweetathon with a<br />
passion fruit and chilli martini ... mmmmm</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Is-MyxFmxIo/ULdLGjoYnfI/AAAAAAAAAIk/C2Iiz1MXoDo/s1600/martini.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Is-MyxFmxIo/ULdLGjoYnfI/AAAAAAAAAIk/C2Iiz1MXoDo/s320/martini.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Those passion fruit and chilli martinis in detail</td></tr>
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Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4789569286943568069.post-87787435344206841552012-11-26T12:14:00.000+00:002012-11-27T10:32:38.779+00:00A public floggingYou see, this is always what happens when you try and push the envelope.<br />
<br />
I have suffered practically a <a href="http://eroticreviewmagazine.com/news/erotic-towers-diary/">public flogging</a> at the hands of my ex-editor at the Erotic Review. These money men just don't understand the artistic temperament. The angst and hand-wringing and sleepless nights that go into creating one's masterpiece. T'was ever thus.<br />
<br />
Dispiriting, though. I'd just named the handsome wolfhounds and everything. Brutus and Caesar. I had wonderful windswept walks planned for them with Mr Fisherman's Jumper and Ms Gray, amid the sand dunes and foamy winter waves of the south coast, before they repaired to his beach house with the tongue and groove work for something hot...<br />
<br />
Well, if there's one piece of advice - sorry, <i>takeaway</i> - I'll be taking away from this sorry episode, it's not to cast my pearls on a public forum. If I continue with my oeuvre, and it's a big if, only when it is fully formed will I release it to the world at large.<br />
<br />
Besides, I have other things on my mind this week. Such as Lily and where on earth she's going to go to school after this year. My heart leapt when she came home at the weekend clutching a plastic bag of folders in preparation for her exams next week. Yes, a new work ethic! Perhaps she <i>could</i> make it into the local grammar, I thought.<br />
<br />
'Well done, darling, bringing back your revision!' I enthused.<br />
<br />
'Yes,' she said perkily. 'I've got my biology, Latin and history. I brought biology because it's the first exam we've got on Monday.'<br />
<br />
'Well done, darling.' Yes, a new maturity. Thinking ahead!<br />
<br />
'History's easy. We've just got to do the POG.'<br />
<br />
'What's the Pog?'<br />
<br />
'Pilgrimage of Grace.'<br />
<br />
Well this is marvellous, whatever the Pilgrimage of Grace may be. 'And Latin? Is that one of the first exams you've got?'<br />
<br />
'Oh, no, I think it's the last one, at the end of the week.'<br />
<br />
'Oh? Why did you bring back that folder then?'<br />
<br />
'It was the only other one I could see lying around.'<br />
<br />
Hmmm. Better not strike her off the waiting list for the local comprehensive just yet.<br />
<br />Eliza Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09139967774892565642noreply@blogger.com0