Lily and I are in a state of high tension and suppressed expostulation. At least I am. She is doing a music scholarship today, under huge duress, for the local comprehensive school (which has a music speciality and, as I keep telling her, is sending its musicians on a trip to Brazil next year).
In teenhood, I discover, bribes and threats cease to work. We are a step short of mutiny. I try to remain calm in the face of her refusal to
b-r-e-a-t-h-e and warm up her voice before launching into her song. I don't rise when she plays her piano piece at double-quick time and stumbles over the tricky sections. But when she plays the sax, I can't help entreating her to stand with both feet on the ground instead of looking like she's leaning against a bus shelter. She glares and refuses to budge.
'Li-ly!' I take on the voice of a robot. 'Stand-up-straight-and-breathe-prop-er-ly!'
'What-ev-ah.' She holds her glare. We burst out laughing. 'Are you still doing your blog?' she asks.
'Just what I was thinking!' I say. We have turned into parodies of ourselves.
13:40
Lily's almost out of practice time. This is disastrous. I gather up her music and the iPad, hoping she'll get a chance to play something she recorded earlier in more harmonious mood, and we get into the car-sauna, whose front windows have seized up.
(As I read through my blog prior to publishing, Lily is standing over my shoulder. 'Can you put in brackets, "Lily thinks we should get an Audi A3, preferably in Phantom Black." I am her obedient servant. This will soon be Lily's and not Eliza's blog. 'Dash, not comma,' she instructs. Sorry. An Audi A3 - preferably in Phantom Black. 'That's a hyphen,' she points out. 'It won't do dashes,' I reply. 'Oh, damn,' she says.)
14:05
Purgatory. I am in a soundproofed room full of steel pans. Hate not being able to eavesdrop.
14:15
Hmmm. Suppose I'd better not play the steel pans just in case the room's not as soundproofed as it seems.
14:38
The door opens. Caught in the act! The head of music smiles knowingly. 'I loved her saxophone playing and she has a lovely voice, good breath control and a great range. I'm able to offer her free singing and saxophone lessons.'
I hardly dare ask the question. 'Does that mean she's got... a scholarship.'
The head smiles and nods.
'Can I ask... Is it a half- or a full scholarship?'
'Full. She wouldn't get the free individual lessons without it.'
Yess! My child is a prodigy! Lily and I head out arm in arm.
'Well that was easy,' she says.
'Shhhhhhh!'
15:05
Lily goes up to her room. I open Facebook to post a status about her success, but I can't find her in my Friends. Curious. I call up to her room.
'Darling? What's going on? I'm trying to tag you in my status and it can't find you... have you Unfriended me?'
'No.'
'You must have - you're not in my Friends.'
'I didn't!'
'Well how else can you have disappeared?'
She comes stomping downstairs. 'Someone else must have done it. It happened once before. Look in Friends.'
I look, and a Friend request pops up from Lily.
'There, you see!' she says triumphantly.
The time of the request is one minute ago. In other words, at the point when I was shouting up the stairs that she must have Unfriended me. I draw her attention to her hasty attempt to re-beFriend me. She can't help grinning as she flounces back up the stairs.
15:15
From the green dot next to Lily's name in my Friends list, I take it that she is on Facebook.
'Pooface,' I write in Facebook Chat.
L:
Me:
Yh. It's like. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying!!
Yh u wish!!
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