Thursday, 31 January 2013

Muffin tops and spring cleansing

'I can't bear it,' I say to Lily on viewing myself in the bathroom mirror. 'I've got a muffin top.'

'Is it blueberry?' she enquires sweetly.

'Do you actually know what a muffin top is?'

'Not really.'

'Well this one's pinky-white and fleshy and fatty.'


'Precisely. What am I going to do?'

'You should go to the gym.'

The thing is, I hate gyms. The only time I had a personal trainer, and paid him jolly good money I may add, he gave up on me.

'I give up,' he said. 'When we work on a muscle in your calf, your thigh hurts. When we work on your triceps, your neck aches.' I only stayed with him because of the final stretch at the end of the session, where I'd be on my back with my knees up to my stomach and he'd lie on top of me, gazing deep into my eyes with his beautiful green-flecked eyes.

He turned gay soon afterwards.

Ah well. It's a toss-up between the 5:2 and the Alkaline Diet. Except. Darn. Just remembered that delicious lemon drizzle polenta cake Lily made at the weekend. Ah well. I'll start tomorrow.


  1. Oh dear, I've been battling my muffin top for a few years now. I've given up on diets (seriously - you can't have a lemon drizzle polenta cake in the house and diet!). Try the 30 day shred - it leaves you so exhausted you can't even walk to the fridge, never mind muster the energy to lift spoon to mouth... ;)

    1. Damn! I'd forgotten about the lemon drizzle polenta cake and then your msg arrived in my inbox. Now the LDPC is burning a hole in my cupboard! Might just have to finish it off for elevenses....