Oh my God! If this were a film, I would now be singing, ‘oh yeah, oh yeah,’ and doing a John Travoltaish, Night Feverish diagonal wavy thing with my arms like Lily does when I tell her she can board for an extra night.
Cue drum roll.
And… trumpet fanfare.
Mike from Asia To Go calls and says his tour leader in Vietnam has fallen down a manhole and wrenched her whole leg and all the ligaments and she’s laid up for at least a couple of weeks and they’ve got a tour leaving on Monday week which is luckily the one straight after half-term and can I lead it because if not they’re slightly up the creek? Particularly since they have one of his most important clients on the tour, the Dowager Countess of Montmarch. And, wait for it, it pays £150 a day! Which, given that it’s about a … hmmm, 24-hour day?, means… bloody hell! A pathetic £6.25 an hour. Though, to be fair, I must be off duty when I’m asleep, mustn’t I? So let’s say a 16-hour day. Hmmm. £9.37 an hour. And some of those hours will be spent watching films on the plane and eating. And it’s all expenses paid, and it’s a two-week trip, so I’ll get £2,100! Yes! Two months’ rent. A third of a term’s school fees. Well, it’s a start. Gainful employment. And I might get tips!
No longer am I defeated! I am a Triumphant Jobseeker!