Friday 9 September 2011

Job-seeker blues

Candlebury Advertiser. Situations Vacant.

Candlebury Primary School has two posts. That could be good. Longer terms than Lily, but we could work something out. 

1. Female Teaching Assistant to support a pupil with learning difficulties. 12 noon to 3.15pm term time only. £8.15 to £8.72 per hour depending on experience.

Yeah right, as Lily might say.

2. Temporary MDSA post [whatever that may be] to support NPA pupil [ditto], 12 noon to 1pm daily. Pay £6.63 to £7.04 per hour.

Forget it! Worse pay than a Flexible Viewing Assistant or Dog Minder.

Gardener - Grounds Maintenance team
37 hours per week. £13,190-£13,874 p.a!

This is laughable. How do people live on a country salary?

Owner Drivers and Store Staff
Domino's Pizza are looking for motivated full or part time people [That's me, a part-time person] with a positive attitude and a willingness to succeed. [Oh God!] Experience is not necessary as we will provide you with a full induction and training plan. Duties include driving own vehicle to deliver pizzas.

Yes! A pizza delivery woman. Maybe we get free pizzas too? And get to wear one of those jaunty hats. At least it'll cover up the orange hair. Call and leave a message. Am motivated! And positive! Bet the pay is rubbish.

FREE Fork Lift Truck Training Course - immediate start.
Ooh! Pick up phone and dial, but then put it down again. No. No. No.

Call Centre Agent - Home Based 
Imagine owning your own business where you can pick and choose your own hours and you choose your clients from our portfolio? That’s the beauty of becoming an Arise Certified Professional. With over 20,000 agents and over 40 clients worldwide, the world’s leading provider of virtual business services is growing rapidly in the UK, and you can be part of this success.

£6.40-£10 an hour? Even being a home-based call centre isn't worth getting out of bed for. Still, let's check out the website.

No, no, no. I can't work for a company that offers Virtual Solutions and has trademarked the words Undisputed Top Performance™.

Trainee Estate Agent  Ah, now this could be the one.
If you are looking for a career in an exciting sales environment where you are rewarded for your hard work, look no further. Previous experience is not required, as you will be trained by the best in the business. All you need is the drive and determination to succeed and a clean driving licence.

Hmmm. One out of three ain't bad. Oh God! Do they count 3 points for doing 40 through the 30 limit at Sturmaine? Nobody drives at 30. Anyway, it's clean as a whistle otherwise. Will call later when up to feigning drive and determination.

Time for a Refresh.

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